*. . . and it ain't The Amazing Randi's fault either
(nope, that ain't Darwin up there mugging with the Pixwit).
Pixwit's $1,000,000 "Psychic" Challenge!
(Sucksessful Psychics, free money! How easy can it get?)
Pixwit's $1,000,000 "Miracle" Challenge!
(Calling all Evangelicals: A sure thing for the true believer.)
Pixwit's $1,000,000 "End-Times" Challenge!
(Make a real killing before it's too late. You can bet your Bible on it.)
"WAIT!" (you say.)
Don't have a million to put down on your claim? Well, why not make
TWO MILLION instead, with NOTHING down?! Here's how:
Mr. James Randi, (aka The Amazing Randi, because he's a magician by trade,
as well as a famous paranormal investigator/debunker) is also offering $1,000,000
to see a miracle. And guess what? Unlike the Pixwit, Mr. Randi is not requiring you to
risk any money of your own before you take his money! With all the capable psychics
and saints there are out there, Mr. Randi must have the patience of a saint himself
(as well as some time on his hands), what with all the people he must have trying to
get into his wallet, right? Well, according to Mr Randi's website (www.randi.org),
there have indeed been hundreds of would-be millionaires perfectly willing to trot
out their miraculous powers, but . . . well, not exactly. You see, because Mr. Randi
is offering a risk-free $1,000,000, he requires his applicants to jump through a few
hoops first to weed out the bogus ones before they can even get near his moolah.
Actually, these hoops would be a piece of cake to anyone with real miraculous powers,
but alas, no one has managed to get past even the modest first hoop yet.
The Pixwit does not understand this. He watches TV, he reads the popular press.
Every week he can see a famous psychic solving crimes the stupid police don't even
have a clue about. He can respond just as well as anyone to the scores of ads for
every miraculous palliative from palmistry to past-life regression. He can see the face
of the Virgin in a pizza just as well as the next person. What in the world is going on?
Free money! Are the miracle workers among us that non-materialistic? They seem
to labor for the bucks plying their sordid, er assorted, trades just like the rest of us.
They don't seem to be doing it all for squat either. So why not take the Pixwit and
Mr. Randi's money? Why? Why?
Oh wait, wait! Yes, that's it! It's that whole helping-others thing again. Right? You
can't use your magic powers except to help others. But, of course! Hmm, surely there
must be a way around this technicality. Got it! Why not help the Pixwit, and Mr.
Randi too? Why not help them see the light? Ever thought of that? If that ain't a
worthy cause, the Pixwit doesn't know what is. Thimk about it: You, yes you, gifted
psychic or miracle-working believer that you are, could be behind the miraculous
conversion of one or two of the world's biggest skeptics (maybe the Pixwit's being a
tad grandiose here, regarding himself anyway, but hey, it's his keyboard).
Nevertheless, hallelujah! . . . and two million bucks to boot for your trouble!
By now the plan should be clear to all: Go see Mr. Randi first. Take his $1,000,000.
Then use that $1,000,000 to take the Pixwit's $1,000,000. If you can get Mr. Randi's
million, the Pixwit's will be a cinch. You start with $0 and end up with $2,000,000.
Is there a sweeter deal anywhere? Could anything be more perfuct? So don't be
bashful, psychics. Just do it!