The Pixwit's $1,000,000 Challenge
to All Psychics Everywhere
That's right, Psychics, win $1,000,000 . . . the easy way! Why not? It's all in a day's work, right? All you gotta do is look into the future, pick the right number, and rake in the loot. Sound familiar? Of course, the lottery! And that's the deal: You use your magic powers to pick a winning lottery number (in any one of those big state lotteries of your choosing), and the Pixwit will give you an extra $1,000,000! Can you even think of a sweeter deal, even with all your magic powers?
What the Pixwit can't figure out is why in the world you psychics haven't thought of winning lotteries before. He can't understand why you're out there reading all those sweaty palms and manning those tedious psychic phone hotlines and helping the police solve all those grubby crimes when all you gotta do is come up with one silly number and you're set for life. Duh! In fact, if the Pixwit were a tad more cynical, he might even thimk the very existence of lotteries is proof positive that psychics are full of it. You see, the Pixwit may not know all there is to know about science, but he does know enough about human nature to know that if there's an easy way to make money, somebody's gonna be raking it in. But wait, you say, you can't use your special gifts for personal gain? That goes against your lofty, altruistic principles? It's all about helping others? Well, of course it is! But here's an idea: Why not just go ahead and win the friggin' lottery, then use all that money (plus the Pixwit's $1,000,000 to boot) to do good for others? You don't have to keep one penny of it yourself, now dooya? Is the Pixwit's logic sweet (and flawless) or what?
Yums, now we're cookin'! You're gonna do it, right? But not so fast. Time for the nitty gritty small print: Just to keep you honest (as in certain that your magical powers really work), the Pixwit must insist that first you put up $100,000 of your own money (only one-tenth of what the Pixwit is willing to risk, mind you!) which you will forfeit to the Pixwit in the highly unlikely event that the number you pick is not the winning lottery number. But hey, not to worry. If the unthinkable should happen and you "guess" the wrong number, the Pixwit will take your hard-earned cash and do some good with it hisself, just as you yourself would have with your winnings, right? It's a real win-win of a winner. Instant karma all around. Hallelujah!
Good golly Miss Molly! You know what? All this talk about lotteries has given the Pixwit an even more brilliant and wondrous idea: Why not organize a grand coalition of Altruistic Psychics Everywhere* (APE?) to save the world? Such a bunch of psychics could then proceed to win every single lottery that comes down the pike. Then all that money could be pooled and very lucratively invested (using more of that psychic expertise of yours). Soon the huge mountain of cash would even dwarf the Gates Foundation's wad. All that money could then be used solely for the benefit of humanity, according to your lofty psychics' principles, of course. Just think of all the good that could be done! It almost seems wrong not to instigate such a splendid idea. So what are you waiting for, psychics everywhere? What? What indeed?
* "altruistic psychics," redundant or oxymoronic? Thimk about it.
